S2E10 – Well-Being

What does it mean to be happy and healthy? Especially during a pandemic? Margrit & Eileen break down ideas about well-being, including a critique of the wellness industry. 

Recommendations of the Episode: The Depression Project on Instagram and Nedi Nezu: Good Medicine by Tenille K. Campbell.

Question of the Episode: What are some of your well-being needs? 

Join the conversation on Twitter at twitter.com/World_ofStories or email us at worldofstoriespodcast@gmail.com.

Transcript

Eileen 0:16
Welcome to World of Stories, a podcast about how stories shapes our lives. I’m Eileen and my pronoun is she.

Margrit 0:23
I’m Margrit and my pronoun is they.

Eileen 0:38
Hi, Margrit!

Margrit 0:40
Hi, Eileen, how’s it going?

Eileen 0:43
To be honest, I’m very tired today. I helped my parents move yesterday, that was a lot of hauling boxes and disassembling and then re-assembling furniture. I also got my vaccine a couple of days ago, which is exciting. But that probably doesn’t help with the fatigue.

Margrit 1:05
Hurray for getting the vaccine though. That’s amazing! What a feat! But it seems like this is an appropriate time to talk about well-being.

Eileen 1:15
Well-being such an interesting, interesting word. What does that mean, exactly?

Margrit 1:22
Those are the right questions, exactly. And it is interesting that well-being is kind of like this combination of physical and mental health. And I think like when we’re experiencing well-being, it’s like close to contentment, which makes it really personal and hard to define. So I was thinking, like, with so many of us feeling not so well these days, discussing well-being and its individual meanings is important, if only to remember that there is such a state. Hashtag goals. And we might attain it at some point. So I’d like us to think about it for a bit. So what does it mean to you?

Eileen 1:57
Well, right now, it’s being able to get out of bed every morning and forcing myself to go outside for a walk. It is not burying myself in junk food until I’m toppled over with a stomach ache. It’s hanging on to every day hoping that this pandemic will end soon, and we can get back to some semblance of normalcy. In episode five, we chatted with Sarika Narinesingh, and she talked about working with a personal trainer and being more aware of the food she eats than honestly that blew my mind. I can’t imagine being so proactive about my physical health at the moment. So kudos to her. All I can manage is basic survival at this point.

Margrit 2:51
Yeah, yeah, no, it’s true. And I think, well-being has always been a moving target, like, at different times in our lives will-being mean something else. So for example, when I was in high school, well being with hanging out with my friends and going to a party or crashing after submitting a super hard assignment. But what is left of that now is the hanging out with friends part. And it’s kind of also time alone to myself to ponder things, time to take a nap or eat something good or take a walk. So the possibility to control what I do with my time, I think has a lot to do with well-being. And even though it seems like we’ve got nothing but time during the pandemic, well-being is decidedly lacking.

Eileen 3:34
Yes, I totally agree. What we need for well-being changes as we change and everybody’s needs are different. So what works for you might not work for me and vice versa. And what works now might not work later. And but the problem is that’s not the message that we get from the media is it? You know, there’s this whole wellness industry that is selling a very particular lifestyle that they claim will bring you that health and happiness, but there’s no real consideration for individual need. One of the things I’ve been thinking about a lot are those uber positive motivational messages that are pasted all over social media, like count your blessings and gratitude. And I’ve tried following some of those accounts because I thought, well, you know, everyone else is doing it. And maybe this will help me feel more positive. But when I see them, I just think that doesn’t apply to me, those words are from a completely alien language.

Margrit 4:41
Have they ever spoken to you before?

Eileen 4:44
No, no, never have, no.

Margrit 4:47
Maybe they work for some people like toxic positivity, right? Which works for people who are like just put a smile on your face and good things will follow. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to parrot people for whom this actually works. So I apologize for that.

Eileen 5:01
Well, I certainly can’t handle that type of stuff at all. Because if someone tells me to smile, I will actively scowl at them. I have a resting, I have a really good resting bitchface. And I like how it looks. And I wear it often. So yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I tend to be a pessimistic person. I like to think of it as being realistic. But I know that, you know, pessimism can be destructive, so I definitely try to keep it in check. But if I see people who are totally happy all the time, with no acknowledgement for all the crappy stuff happening in the world, it kind of makes me angry, you know, like, life is hard without a pandemic, and then life in the middle of a pandemic is doubly so.

Margrit 5:50
Well, I agree. I think you’re more of a realist than a pessimist. I have to say like, you’re very solution-oriented.

Eileen 5:57
That’s very kind of you.

Margrit 5:59
More than just like doom and gloom kind of thing, which is what I tend to think about pessimism. So like you’re saying, you know, there’s these two extremes, pessimism like super doom and gloom and optimists, like, extreme optimist, like, oh, things are gonna be just fine. And you know, unicorns pooping rainbows and all of that. So I yeah, I tend to think that your, if, you know, for, for whatever that’s worth. But, but I was thinking about, you know, about what you were saying earlier, trying not to fall into the pit of junk food. And I think this is how I’m coping right now is buying food and trying to, like, cope. And of all the pleasures or constituent parts of the pre-pandemic well-being, I feel like making and consuming food is a big part of it. So don’t diss that as a coping mechanism,

Eileen 6:46
I definitely don’t diss that. Please shovel all of the food into my mouth, and I’ve had your cooking before, you’re very good cook. So please, just yes, shovel the food into my mouth.

Margrit 6:58
You’re very kind. I feel like, I can’t do any of the basic things anymore. So I think like, well-being right now is coping like, like you were saying, if you get yourself out of the bed, and through the day, I think you’re doing brilliantly. And if you manage to cook or consume other people’s food, you know, support the restaurant industry, they’re having such a hard time, whatever works, whatever works right now.

Eileen 7:22
And to circle back to this whole social media attempt at cheerleading. I wanted to add that what does work for me, oddly enough, are the negative messages, you know, cause I’m a pessimist or… And there are some accounts out there that say that, you know, yeah, things are crap right now and it’s okay to feel lost and defeated about it. Or like, here are the signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression that we are all dealing with. And when I see that, or those posts like that, I’m like, yes, I understand that, I can relate to it. And it makes me feel validated. Because I think well, maybe I am not going out of my mind, maybe there is an explanation for what I’m going through.

Margrit 8:13
Right. That validation is kind of like representation, you see yourself in those messages, it makes you feel like it’s all right to be experiencing these feelings, even though they’re socially-coded as negative, right? It’s like an antidote to feeling guilty for not falling into that positivity that gets thrown around as sort of the bedrock of, quote unquote, wellness.

Eileen 8:36
Mm hmm. Yeah, exactly. And the wellness industry is so focused on self care, and I’ve really grown to hate that term. It’s like light a candle, take a bath, drink this magical cold-pressed juice elixir thing and realistically, none of that stuff is going to make any lasting impact on anybody’s mental health. And I think, for me, personally, what does make an impact is that are the frank and unvarnished discussions about how to deal with stress, how to deal with depression, how to deal with anxiety, because that gets to the core of what the issues are, and will actually help us manage the challenges that so many of us are going through.

Margrit 9:34
I agree. I think like we’re beyond being fed solutions, so we don’t need someone to tell us how to live better. But telling us it’s okay to feel crappy, is validating, so I hear so many people say if another person tells me to pick up meditation or yoga, I’m gonna hurl, I think we’re just right now collectively holding our breath and biding our time until we can recover some sort of well-being and I think it’s really important to like find out what self care means to yourself. So what does well-being mean to you? And what do you need in order to self care? Aside from what the wellness industry is trying to sell you,

Eileen 10:11
Yeah, I think it’s really important to, to be honest with yourself about what it is that you’re dealing with and what it is you’re going through. And maybe this is me being pessimistic again. But I think that being overly optimistic can be just as dangerous as being overly pessimistic. Because if we’re too optimistic, it becomes ignoring the fact that there are real problems in the world that need real solutions. We ended up sweeping the root causes of social challenges under the rug. And sure, like on the surface, everything looks great. But in reality, the issues are just festering and growing until solutions feel too big and too impossible.

Margrit 11:05
Right, so by acknowledging that the wellness industry is just, you know, putting the yoke on us more, here’s the scented candle for your ennui, you know, to overlook the fact that you’re exhausted from being overworked by capitalism. You know, it’s, it’s a really important thing to realize how this works to prop it up, to prop up the system and make you feel like if you buy this, insert product or service, you’ll feel well, and conversely, if you don’t, you’ll feel like you’re not measuring up, when this also is taking away from, like you said, seeing the systemic problems for what they really are.

Eileen 11:41
Yeah, and it places the responsibility on the individual, when really none of us have the power to change much on our own. And not only can it be demoralizing, I’d go so far as to say that it’s just evil. It’s just bad. It’s malicious and nefarious and just evil.

Margrit 12:01
Yeah, I agree. I agree. And we can go back to when we talked about The Nap Ministry, like what do you need? Do you need to take a nap, you don’t need to buy anything for that. Just go take a nap, figure things out for yourself and see what you can do. So yeah, figure things out people.

Eileen has the first recommendation of the episode today. What are you recommending for us?

Eileen 12:28
I do. So I wanted to recommend The Depression Project on Instagram, they are an Instagram account. And they have a course that they’re trying to sell, which you know, okay, capitalism, but I found that their posts can be pretty validating. So they post a lot about depression and anxiety, and what are the signs and symptoms? And what are the ways that people experience depression and anxiety. And so for example, there’s one post recently where people have written in to describe the most painful parts of depression that aren’t talked about enough. So a couple of the quotations that they’ve got here are:

“How cold it makes the world feel, like you’re not part of it anymore, and nothing in it will bring you happiness.”

Or “How it makes you feel like your existing instead of living. All of your being is just willed towards survival.”

And the last example is “How debilitating depression is, it makes you so exhausted, you can’t do the simple things, you become unhinged from your habits, and day-to-day life.”

Which I feel all of those things. So it’s very, again, validating and it’s very nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels these things, that there are other people out there who feel the same things. And so it makes the world a lot less lonely. And yeah, so again, The Depression Project on Instagram.

Margrit 14:13
Yeah, absolutely. And even if, you know some of our listeners are not experiencing depression and don’t need to be validated in that, I think it’s really interesting to look into it because it just creates this window into other people’s lives. I’m pretty sure everybody nowadays has somebody in their life who is struggling with depression. So yeah, for sure, really cool stuff.

Eileen 14:33
They also have some posts around like how to talk to somebody who is struggling with depression or things that you should say or things that you should not say. And so I think they’re doing a really good job at trying to foster discussion or communication around these topics.

Margrit 14:55
Yeah, thanks. Thanks for sharing that. I’ll check them out.

Eileen 14:58
Margrit, what’s your recommendation for the episode?

Margrit 15:01
My recommendation goes along the lines of like reading is well-being for me. So, I’m going to recommend to Tenille K. Campbell’s second collection of poems called Nedi Nezu: Good Medicine. I read Campbell’s first collection #IndianLovePoems during one weekend. I found it super hard to put down because they’re just so engrossing and so awesome. So I immediately ordered this new collection. And it’s the very definition of well-being. These poems are intimate, they’re erotic, they’re luscious. They’re political in their insistence, in claiming love and joy for Indigenous people. And the book also has the most gorgeous cover with colorful beadwork flowers against a warm, deep yellow background. So go get the books and follow Campbell on Instagram because not only is she a wonderful, lyrical storyteller, she’s a professional portrait photographer, so there’s lots to feed your well-being there. Take advantage of this amazing work that this artist is doing.

Eileen 15:56
That sounds so so lovely. So I can definitely see how that can be a balm to the soul.

Margrit 16:03
Absolutely. Yeah, Tenille K. Campbell, Nedi Nezu: Good Medicine.

Eileen 16:06
And our question of the episode for our listeners is, what are some of your well-being needs? Feel free to let us know.

Margrit 16:17
Yeah, as always, you can join the conversation on Twitter at @World_OfStories or you can email us directly at WorldOfStoriesPodcast@gmail.com. And if you like our show, please share the podcast with your friends. You can rate and review World of Stories on Spotify, Apple podcast, Google podcasts and other major podcasting platforms. The more of us we get, the easier it will be for new listeners to find us.

Eileen 16:41
And lastly, if you’d like to partner with us in producing the podcast, we appreciate every contribution no matter how big or small. You can donate at ko-fi.com/WorldOfStories. Thank you so much for listening and until next time, stay safe.

Margrit 16:58
And keep on humaning.